So you’re an imposter.
You secretly know that you don’t measure up and worry that others will discover this secret.
You assume that because you know how something could be done — and yet aren’t able to do it — you’re failing.
But hang on a second.
Just because we know something doesn’t mean we can do it.
Plenty of people know they should exercise after work but instead collapse in a heap on the couch.
The only difference between calling yourself “totally exhausted” versus “an imposter” is that you sense the judging, expectant gaze of the people to whom…
Ask 100 people, “If you were me, what would you do?” and you’ll get 100 answers.
Some of them might actually be helpful, but only if you avoid these mistakes.
All advice requires assumption.
When a person gives you advice based on their personal experience, they assume that you are just like them.
When they give advice based on who they think you are, they assume they know you.
When they give advice based on what they’ve seen others do, they assume their observations are truth.
Always follow up their advice with questions to understand where the advice is coming…
The next time you procrastinate, fall off the wagon, “forget”, or willfully rebel against doing your habits or goals, don’t be tempted to use punishment to motivate yourself.
When you punish and threaten yourself by criticizing yourself, creating restrictions or depriving yourself, making yourself pay contrived fines, threatening to make yourself start all over if you mess up, piling on more work and higher expectations, etc., you create false stakes that undermine your ability to motivate yourself intrinsically.
If you treat yourself like a disobedient child, you remain a child forever.
To reach your life’s greatest goals, you need to…
What do you think of when you hear “be accountable”?
When we hear that term, it’s usually in the context of a person or entity that has messed up big time and needs to “be held accountable” for their mistake.
According to Merriam Webster, the word accountable “suggests imminence of retribution for unfulfilled trust or violated obligation”.
Being accountable sounds like being held in contempt where people are waiting for you to mess up so they can jump down your throat.
Sadly this is how most people relate to accountability. And it’s how most people hold themselves accountable: by…
Here’s a list of things I value:
However even though I value all of those things, I do not consider all of them My Values.
Some are my values—like honesty, generosity, courage—while the others are things I seek to guard against discomfort. Security and recognition are my defenses against uncertainty.
Making life choices from my values is often very uncomfortable in the moment, but over time it yields great rewards like fulfillment, empowerment, and self-respect.
Living from my defenses can feel comfortable in the moment…
In my work as a coach, I often encounter people who have worked hard all their lives to achieve success at the cost of their happiness and health. They use the word “overachiever” to describe themselves with a mix of pride and shame.
As a recovering overachiever, I’m very familiar with that paradoxical feeling. I also empathize with the sense of isolation and invisibility overachievers experience. Others think, “You’re successful. What do you have to complain about?”
This makes overachievers question whether their suffering is legitimate, which makes them stuff their feelings down even more.
Myths exist about overachievers because…
Typical reactions to rejection fall into these categories:
They lead to takeaways that shape how you see yourself.
If your takeaway from every rejection is “I’m a failure.” then you will become a failure to yourself.
If it’s “They’re terrible.” you become a victim.
If it’s “Oh well. It doesn’t matter.” you become a nobody.
But to draw any of those conclusions is a waste of a rejection.
A rejection is a precious and valuable experience.
A rejection can be a confirmation of your integrity.
A rejection can point to something you’re meant…
Do you think you need to wait until your life reaches a certain level of success or “put in your time” grinding away at a life that others expect you to live before you can discover and live your purpose?
Well, you don’t.
You can start living your purpose today if you choose to. And you don’t have to make any drastic changes to your life to do so.
Purpose is NOT a luxury or a privilege or some grandiose endeavor.
Purpose is not a goal. It is not an achievement like “Become a billionaire” or “Save the polar bears”…
Every day, you make choices that shape who become.
The easy choices deepen grooves. The hard choices make new ones. Nothing stays constant.
And as you carve, you reveal your life’s sculpture within.
What does your sculpture look like right now? What about in 5 years? 10 years?
Do you like what you see?
At the end of your life, your masterpiece will show every nook and cranny of the results of your choices.
Will you be awestruck or horrified? Bored or fascinated? Proud or ashamed?
Will its contours tell the story of a full life? …
You know that famous quote from Spiderman: “With great power comes great responsibility.”?
I believe it’s quite the opposite: With great responsibility comes great power.
The more you take responsibility for your life and the world around you, the more empowered you become.
Power is the ability to determine your life.
You lose power when you don’t think you have the ability to do that.
You lose power when you make excuses for why you can’t.
You lose power when you blame others for why you can’t.
You lose power when you believe you’re a helpless victim.
Sure, power can…